What if these are the golden days?

There are weeks.  And then there are weeks.

This was one of those weeks.  It was one of fullness, of piercing moments, of enough.

Typically, the first week of dipping our toes in school rhythms I feel anxious, behind, worried I just may be screwing my kids up (don't we all at some point?) and somewhat overwhelmed.  Run thin, worn out...tired.  Amid the excitement, the joy and fun moments of course!  But this week has been markedly different and I want to remember.  I'm still wrapping my brain around why? because I don't totally know.

Maybe because last week I found out a dear friend heard the news of fresh tumors on her brain and her several year battle with cancer is coming to a close and about to usher her to the other side.  Leaving memories unmade with her precious 9 year old daughter and her husband.  Yes, this has pierced me.  Has me a bit undone and walking through the moments of my life with grateful goggles on.  Of slow down, savor this goggles.  Of recieve and be present and here....now. Of let go of perfection and what others think. 

And stop rushing to the next subject or grueling over the messes being made or making a mountain of a molehill of a fuss between siblings.  Yes, that.  And that I found out about another precious Mama in our community with 2 sweet boys, one of whom has a brain tumor.  And now, the other one has a 105 fever they can't bring down, even at Childrens Hospital.  Deep gulp.  

And I wonder...what if these are the golden days of my life?  And what if I'm sometimes missing them?  And that tho I sometimes daydream of my MFA in Creative Writing or Spiritual Direction School....lets be honest, I sometimes dream of quiet, of no more laundry, and more uninterrupted conversations with my husband, more coffee dates with friends.  But really when they are grown and gone I think I'll ache for one more PJ ed kid snuggle in my bed, one more load of little people clothes to fold, one more 'hey Mom, come see this!' moment, one more hike deep in nature hearing their chatter and make believe.  So why am I so tight sometimes & hurrying through these days, hours, weeks?  What is the goal and when will we know we are there?

So, Abba pierces me and invites me to pray for these two dear women souls who have stories that are grueling right now and he leads me to be in this chapter of my story, now.  Because I have been in one of those chapters of loss, of sickness.  And in this  piercing I am waking up afresh to the wonder of grace in my world today.

So, as I walk through the den with books scattered everywhere on the first day and a nagging tug to pick up & make neat, I choose to stop instead and glory over this view.  My kids outside together on their own accord blowing bubbles and chatting it up.  I allow my kids to take a 10 min. break between subjects to go swing, grab a snack, stretch a bit whatever they are wanting as long as they maintain the quietness in the house.  Jed is my one who B-lines for something outside be it a tree, sandbox, chickens, catching grasshoppers or blowing bubbles.  I love that home educating provides this for him.

This is another view from my kitchen window I will never tire of.  This happy big man cub running out to check on his flock.  And this week instead of getting tense about 'did he rush through his math' or 'why is he out there again' I stopped washing dishes and said 'thanks' for his growing up self, for the way he loves and worrys over those birds and that he is blossoming before my eyes into a hard worker and a compassionate lover of life and God and those around him.  I chose to smile over him.

Josh is loving the guitar these days and making some sweet tunes in our home.  Hard to believe he is now officially in middle school.  He has had a year of lessons from Eddie at Area 22 guitars and has stuck with a hard practice weekly schedule.  It is paying off!  He is dreaming of a band, of an electric guitar for his big 13. 

Well, this is another sweet moment that I teared up over this week.  

During her room time Lydia always changes clothes & today it was into her ballet leotards.  She loves dressing up, playing babies & listening to sweet stories on LibriVox app (FREE!) or Audible while she plays.   As I started calling for lunch this is what I found... that he stopped his practice to engage his sister and was speaking in a such a kind, calm teaching way to her about her fingers just so was priceless.  Another reminder that relationships take t. i. m. e.  Time and space to be together.  I agree with Ann Voskamp that somehow, in making our schedule simpler, our lives are richer.

Banana Grams -a great game for any age.  Here, Jed is playing alone making words.  With younger ones we say the letter sound and make simple words, their names, ect.  With olders we play like scrabble.  Games are a great learning tool.  This week we all 5 played some math games with a deck of cards & had some good laughs!  Guess who won the first game....little bit Lydia!

Joshs workspace for early am Math

Jed, Abby & I are forging into latin this year!

Abby girl loves her violin.  After handwriting & math she is hankering to get outside and play some tunes!  And I enjoy  stopping to listen and hear her critique herself.  Music is super for the brain.  And the daily practice and sticking to it even when its hard is good for them.  The reward is sweet melodies & the joy of blessing others with music.  Lately, Crooked Creek, Ode to Joy and Beautiful Skies fill our home.

This is a typical afternoon work around here.  With an acre of mostly grass we have plenty of work to engage in outside.  Boys hot and tired and muscles burning are a good thing.  Thank you today for bodies that work, for a bit of land to tend.  And help me not to grumble about why my husband won't buy a riding mower.
 

This first week of school we planned a hike with friends.  Nurturing for the Mama Bear & the cubs!  Nature time is high priority over here.  I love the recent things I've read proving time in nature effects kids emotionally & socially & intellectually.  What a gift in our world to have a family that has a friend for each child in mine!  Thank you Father for leading us to friendships that build up and encourage in each stage of our lives.  Watching this particular bunch grow over the last 7 years has been a treat.

5 years old.  A moldable young sapling.  A sponge, soaking up all that fills her world.  I'm honored to be the one to choose books & music to fill her soul, food that nourishes and builds healthy cells and to structure her day with work and play.  She is eager this year to be up and doing her 'morning routine' so to be in the kitchen as the designated 'Breakfast Helper & Chooser.'  Dr. Sears tools for a brainy breakfast guide our choices and influence these growing brains.

Beautiful Feet Books is a great resource.  Also Before 5 in a Row by Jane Claire Lambert for this age.  She and I do Kindergarten work in the morning when she is eager and fresh.  This day we read Blueberries for Sal by Robert McClosky.  I gave her a pail like little Sal had and we picked blueberries too!  Because of a wonderful book Landscaping with Fruit Trees that a dear friend gave me I planted these 6 blueberry bushes in our front yard a few years back.

 

This.  This.  Isn't this where it gets messy.  Where Mamas can loose it real quick?  Where we want...space...?  Well, I'm learning to breath through it in this space and this week I found my self saying, "Good lands, I have a fridge.  And its full of FOOD.  I have running water.  Oh. My.  Stars."  Which this mindset was encouraged by a post at www.momastary.com.  A worthwhile read!  That there are starving children in the world breaks me.  To be a Momma who can't find water for her child or get fresh food.  We forget how darn spoiled we Americans are, me included.

Today, this space is dirty.  The sink is always full.

Yes, Jed is our dishwasher emptier and Lydia is our dish washer.  And Josh is our trash taker outer.  And Abby is our table/bench wiper.  But.  It is a space of work & creativity & food prep.  And yes, my almost teenager is usually changing the Pandora station, introducing us all to new tunes, my girls are usually singing something and Jed gets in and out as quick as possible.  Unless I reel him in and pick a tickle fight of course.  

The bantering, the laughing, the down right dancing that goes on in here is priceless.  And yes, the arguing, the saying "I'm sorry" the make up hugs and Mommy/ Daddy kisses happen too. And somehow in this space, where we sit down and eat 3 meals a day together, feast on Scripture, on artwork by VanGogh or a poem sometimes....somehow this week I just inhaled it all.  And my cup overflows.

And tho I have spent hours choosing books for them to learn from this year it occurred to me through a post by Ann Voskamp at www.aholyexperience.com that maybe the main thing I'm teaching them, the most important thing is love.  How to love someone...how to put anthers needs above their own...what it looks and feels like to love...to be loved and to give love away.

On the first day of school my students get presents!  And this girl is not shy about showing how full her heart is.  She has been so excited about starting Kindergarten with Mommy and doing CC (Classical Conversations).  Though she does miss Miss Tina her wonderful preschool teacher and I thought for a while she would be a KinderOwl at the Montoursi like school in town it has become clear this summer to James & I that the best place for her to learn and grow and flourish is here at The Walters Greenhouse (the name we chose for our school 10 years ago).  

Goodness knows we have enough for her to explore and do and friends to play with and dollies to love and dress and care for.  I love this shot of her and Jed I got this summer at the Creekhouse.  They have a special bond and play so well together.  She looks up to him and trust him and often asks, "What do you think, Jed?"  She let him take her down the creek on the back of the kayak hollering the whole way.   And to think that I almost signed them both up for 'another' camp that week...

So, as I sit on my bed and finish writing this outpouring of our week I am thankful for this space to chronicle memories in my world.  

And I am also hesitant because we all put our puzzles together differently as Sally Clarkson says so often.  And tho I am finally confident of how I have been led to put my puzzle pieces together I in no way want you to feel pressure to pattern your world after mine.  I am following Fathers heartbeat as I listen the best I can for how to piece together my ordering of our days, our education, our service in this hurting world.  I hear his whispers of love afresh in the birds each morning, the dew on the mountains, the warmth in my coffee.  And I pray you do too whatever that looks like for you this week.  Grace and peace to your heart.  Today.